and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
