He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
