seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize