I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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