The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The adults are the big ones right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
