I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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