Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
