i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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