You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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