Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
