What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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