last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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