nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize