Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
