i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
