I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
