Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
