rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's blow job season.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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