Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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