I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
