If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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