All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
