She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
