If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We have so much sex to catch up on
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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