Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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