my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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