I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
