You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize