I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
