We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
