Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
