Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found your dick twin last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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