just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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