Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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