Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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