I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
