he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
