So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My bed smells like the plague
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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