my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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