Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
