I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
