Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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