The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize