my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I am morally bankrupt
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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