I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
