9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
