Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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