Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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