I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
