I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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