You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
