ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
