remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
