walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
