i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
