I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
