Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
