why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
