I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
