how can u be prego again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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