My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
