I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I AM VODKA MAN
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
