I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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