pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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