I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize