my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
