I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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