This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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