I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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