Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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