just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Too much gin, very little bucket
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
