sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
that may or may not have been my penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
