I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
