THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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