He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
