just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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