If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
