And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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