Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
