She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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