Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
