apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
