cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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