Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
