i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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