i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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