whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
