i jhust puked up my retainher.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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