I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
