hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
