i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
