youre lurking in front of me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
