I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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