well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
