We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
