My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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