walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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