..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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